911 is not an emergency number, it's a TRAGEDY- Epilogue

*This blog was originally from my spaces.live dated November 14. Edit for some error*


" I'm sorry we can't continue on like this.
" Huh?
" I know what I'll have to say next could be hurtful, but could we just be... friend?
" I don't get it. Why?
" ...
" Why? Answer me, please!
" I'm sorry...
" Sorry won't change anything, and you know it.
" Yes I know, therefore I'm sorry.
" ...

There was a long pause, both of us just remain there in silence.
I stared at the wall, seeing nothing but complete blank.
It was too real for a dream, which I knew I was not dreaming at that time.
But I was too stubborn, I thought that this was only a dream; a nightmare and everything would be fine once I woke up.
Too bad, it was not.

" Are you happy with this? Happy that we ended up this way?
" ...
" Talk to me, please.
" I'm sorry, it's impossible for us to continue. Please forgive me.

The answer stabbed deep inside of me.
Don't cry, I can't lose now but tears started to flow and I knew that I had lost.
No matter how hard I tried to make it stop, it just won't.

The story once I promised her would continue has finally comes to an end.
The story once I promised her I would tell her before she goes to sleep, well I'm not sure if there is any left to tell.
But I still remember well how the story started...

October, 2006.
It was more like a net love back then.
Sounds not too promising, yes I would not argue about it.
But even though we never see each other before, both at different places, we knew we were serious.
And when she had to go to the National Service, I was left alone for 3 months.
We could only instant messaging during the weekends, and during those months I felt alone and empty.
Only her messages would kept me accompany and I would read it over and over again.
By the time she was done with the National Service, she made me a promise.
A promise that she would come and find me.
I was scared, I was supposed to be excited when I heard that she was coming all the way for me.
Surprisingly, she felt the same.
It really does not matter to me how she would look like, I knew her heart very well.
And that reason is more than enough for me to keep loving her.

April, 2007.
She came to Ipoh with her friend.
My best friend kept teasing me, and telling me silly jokes about her.
I totally ignored it, why should I listen?
And when we finally met at Jusco, I was completely stunned over there.
I just don't know what to do.
Can I hug her? No, I can't!
In fact, I just stood there looking at her.
Her smile melt me deep down inside.
As we walked inside the mall, we held our hand for the first time.
Nervous and scared, that was what I felt.
We spent 3 days together, and when she was about to leave I was really sad.
I don't know when chances like this would happen again.
Knowing that made me think that I don't want to let her go, though I know she could not stay here for long.
I doubted our relation would work, but it turned out that it was still blooming and I was really happy.
Few months later she told me that she was going to work in Singapore.
It was really tough at first, took me long enough to get used with the situation.
It was more like the time when she had to leave me for the National Service.

October, 2007.
It was our first year of anniversary.
I wished that we could love each other forever and she wished for me the same.
Things were normal until one day, I noticed that she was trying to avoid me for more than a week.
I thought that she was tired with her work, so I told myself not to worry much about it.
But I could not help but to ask when she kept avoiding me.
And then, I got the answers...

Why?
Is desire to be with each other is still not strong enough?
Why people have to decide our fate when we could choose our own?
Why do we have to sacrifice our own happiness for other people's sake?

Why?

I can't afford to lose her, she means everything to me.
But how can I win her back?
The heart once we shared together.
How?
Somebody please tell me how?!

For few days I could not sleep, I'm not sure whether it was just a dream or was it not.
I read all her messages, one by one, over and over again.
I forced myself to smile while reading those, even though I was actually crying.
I kept thinking the days we spent together last time.
How much I miss to kiss her, how much I miss to hug her again.
And I miss hers badly.
She wants me to blame her for what had happened.
To be honest, I don't know whom should I blame.
I blamed myself for not treating her well,
For not being able to fulfill her wishes,
For not being a good boyfriend.
Yes I would put all the blames on myself, there is no doubt about it.

My dear Hui Wern,
I would not think our story has comes to an end.
I would not let it end this way, no I won't.
Please give me some time for me to fix the story, to make it a better ending.
An ending that we both want.
Please wait for me, I would come back to you.
Put all your faith in me, don't ever leave me again.
Don't lie to yourself nor to your heart, be honest.

I love you, and I always will...