Voices from deep down of your thick skull.

Music is beautiful...
Music is an art...



There are many ways how to define music. Well from my point of view, I could not find any proper word to describe about my enthusiasm in music. They're somehow... addicting, but my interest in certain genre of music won't last that long. My ears would get bored listening to the same kind of music eventually.

So, this is the lucky band that I would pick for now. I doubt you guys would say "ZOMG I really love this song", or "Yay another song that I would upload in my Ipod" etc. Mostly because when it comes to giving this band a score, people who dislike this kind of genre would probably give zero for their appearance, vocals, and the music itself. I won't give the band a perfect score either, since there are lots of other good bands out there.

Here are some information about the band:

Phantasmagoria
Origin: Osaka, Japan
Genre: Visual Kei
Labels: Under Code Production
Associated Act: Chariots, Attic
Members: Riku(vocal), Jun(guitarist), Iori(guitarist), Kisaki(bass), Matoi(drums)

And here is the PV that I would like to share with you readers.
Warning: Get ready to get some serious, major headache, dizziness, nausea etc.


p/s: This post has been edited, I replaced the old video with a new one.

What am I?

I am worthless.
I am not worthy of having anyone.
I am not wanted by anything or anyone.
I am alone.
People treat me like ****, they take what they want from me and go- "sorry I have to go, sorry I have to meet someone". But it all boils down to the fact that people are leaving, and not returning. So i sit here, alone. Alone I sit, once again. One single stray emotion on this lonely night opens the flood gates as this tidal waves of pleading tears flow from these orbs. Inevitable silence rings off these solitary walls. The gentle whisper of tears hitting the floor beneath me is the only sound, except for the ringing of your voice in my head which is my only comfort, and my biggest fear. Watching all the happy moments abandon me like every human has done. Nobody wants me in their life, they don't care about me.
I am not wanted.
I am not needed.
I am used.
I am hated.
But most of all, I am alone.


I am ugly.
I am not good looking.
I am not happy.
I am cruel.
I am lost and cold, forsaken.
I am piece of worthless ****.
Nobody wants or needs to be with or around me in their life for I don't provide enough.
I am not good friend.
I am not a good person.
I am not a good boyfriend.
I am a moron.
I am a child.
I am lost and tired.
I am drained and abandoned.
I am not anyone's dream, fantasy, or lover.
I would not make a good spouse, I would not make a good friend.
I am sincere.


I am a burden.






... I started this at midnight, with cigarette smoke choking my skin and the outside air clogging out my cold lungs.
The damp floor stole my seat, so I just stood in the dark looking up.
I decided that I write too much, words are slug coloured and pressed inside paper.


It is now 03:46.

Truth to be told...

*cough cough*

Hell last month could probably be the worst month ever; trust me when I mentioned about the word "worst". A lot of things happened, and god some of them really screwed me up.

First, the break up thingy. Honestly, my condition is still far away from uh how should I put this... recovering state? Sad, hopeless, depressed, agony, anger, betrayed, regret- all these mixed up feelings really hit me pretty bad. How long has it already been now, a month? And for how long should I continue on suffering this painful feelings? I have zero idea but seriously I kept thinking about the past. I know I should have let go of the past and starts a new one, but that's not really quite an easy task for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm already tired playing the good-guy-part; I forced myself to remember every single thing even the tiny little mushy stuff, I did all the comforting when actually I was the one who need to be comforted, I kept on apologizing even though it was not actually my fault, I tried to fix things up no matter how difficult it was for me but I refused to give up etc. In other word, I'm tired with all of these. It's like I'm the only one who have to do all the jobs with all my efforts, while the other side uh well I don't know what's the person is actually doing. Sit back, relax and enjoying the show, waiting to be pat on the head? It's not true, right? Wait a minute, that could be true...is it? Seriously I just don't know what to think anymore. What I'm totally 100 percent sure is, I'm tired. People will change, I think I get what it means. But changing for no reason, I think it's load of craps. Well there should be something that motivates you, a reason that makes you decide it's finally time for a change, right? Getting dumped with some silly reasons, totally clueless with what happened, and I was nicely asked to keep all those memories. Oh yeah I'm such a paper bag that when you're already done toying with me you could simply toss me inside the waste basket and recycle me back. Hell no!

Dude chill out you really should let things go, don't you? She dumped you, it's over now. Plus you don't seems to lose anything, if you get what I just said.

Buzz off! I never toy with her heart, not even once. Why do I still care about this? Because for **** sake I'm serious with what I did. Retarded you say? Yeah just call me whatever you want, I don't give a damn care about it. I just don't want her to spoils herself, ended up being like those sluts,whores, bitches out there!

So I guess she still owes me a proper explanation...


Secondly, about my computer. It has been already near 2 weeks, yet until now there's still no call from the shop. I claimed the warranty for my motherboard and processor because both of them are technically down. Again, waiting and waiting. Pathetic! How did I wrote this blog then, you asked? Well I'm using my brother's laptop now, and duh it really feels different. I don't know how should I put this, it just don't feel right. Honestly, I don't like sharing things with other people. But between me and my brother, there's no secret between us. But when it comes to privacy, everyone has their own, that would make me and him on the list too. The same thing when it comes to computer usage. You guys have your own, he has his own, and I have mine. It could be pictures, songs, videos, works, adult stuffs etc. Pervert? No, I'm not. I'm just stating out the fact because I'm normal. And I honestly believe you too, are normal. So if you starting to make a topic like "Euw that's gross", yeah I think I understand that. Wait, I don't. Keep on lying because in the end you just defying yourself. Oh how I miss to play online game, blogging, and chatting with friends so much. There are many upcoming new games next year and all of them looks promising to be try out. Well it depends either it's going to be pay to play, buy to play, or free to play. If it's free, then yep I'm definitely going to play. Well I'm quite addicted with gaming, and I don't see any wrong with that. I'll put some pictures about the game I'm currently playing and the one I'm waiting later on. Lastly, I need to train for an upcoming Defence of the Ancient ( it's DotA, for short) mini tournament next week and I'm struggling to catch up with my friends playing skills. Means that I have to spend more and more cash at the cybercafe, bummer!

Game: Kagero 2; Dark Illusion
Comment: It's not an online game, a PlayStation 2 console game actually. You play as Alicia, a trap mistress. Yes when I said trap, you'll be using traps to kill your opponent. You need to be creative in positioning all those traps in a room (you can only set up max to 3 traps at a time). Certain rooms have their own special traps that you need to trigger it, but beware you could probably be the special traps' victim too! The more combos you make, the more money you'll make from killing. Addicting game, I must say.



Game: Warcraft, Defence of the Ancient (DotA)
Comment: Common game nowadays, I think. I could see almost everyone playing the game at the cyber cafes, well I'm not sure about the girls though.



Game: S4 League
Comment: MMOFPS game, similar to Gunz Online except it's more stylish! And yeah more creative way how to pawn your opponents. Variety of equipments for you to customize your own character, but sad most of them are cash shop items.



Game: League of Legends, Clash of Fates
Comment: From the mastermind of DotA! Beta sign up is in process, a must try for DotA fan. I wonder how the game works actually, zero idea. Could not find any gameplay movie for the game.



Game: Blade and Soul
Comment: The same character designer from the game Magna Carta: Tears of Blood! Breath taking, stunning and drooling images, believe me you'll probably need a lot of tissues. Oh, I meant that for the guys. Well the game is still in development, probably going to be out in next year.

OK, time for a little break now. Hope you guys have a pleasent time reading. Sorry about the cursing parts, seems like I totally jumped off the edge. Well, my bad >______< *end*